haven been updating tis blog for a v long time.. didnt noe wat to say bout my life now except dat it just sucks..

though have been goin out for several times with frenz to chill, but i just feel so empty after i reach home.. though i m smiling n laughin on the outside, but deep down, nobody understand.. the feeling just suck and the though of everything make mi so sian.. anyway, when will my days b bright n sunny?? it has already been so long.. i just dont understand..

for job lookin wise, i have been sending out tons n tons of resume.. but i tink the market is v bad.. went for 3 interviews.. however, all say will call mi in one week time if i make it to e 2nd interview.. lol.. abit irritating.. but no choice.. and just receive a call from an agent.. saying she will be sending my resume to her client.. c if gt any feedback ma.. so i will just cross my fingers and pray hard for good news..

as for relationship, i wanted to end everythin peacefully.. however, u force mi to b hostile n cruel to u.. i do cherish e 4 yrs we had no matter wat has happened.. and i have already told u.. unless u change for a better.. if not, u will be out from my life totally.. but u r too stubborn to listen.. and during the 4 yrs, i swear i had told u more than 5 times.. but everytime, u just change for a short period of time.. after dat, all come returnin again.. i no longer sense any feel of security and love so this time, i m damn serious.. i no longer can c wat will happen to us 5 yrs down the road.. not to mention gettin married like wat u say and spending our lives together.. u say i m v hard hearted and being unfair plus cruel to u.. but have u tot of wat makes e judy today that u c now? sorry to say tis, but i have changed.. i m no longer e judy u noe before.. just like i arent e judy u know when u were 11 yrs old when we got together..

u say i arent smilin and talking like how i used to last time.. its bcoz i dont c any reason to do so.. i arent happy so y shd i smile? everything will b so fake if i do so.. i dont wan that to happen.. so many things happened btw us.. i just feel that both of us had tried our best to make tis relationship works.. however, there are too many to work on and seriously speaking, both of us are tired.. u got to admit that tis is the truth.. isnt it? everyone will change over a period of time.. its just a matter of changing to b a better person or changing to someone which u yrself cant even recognise.. u got to admit also that e feel btw us had faded due to alot which happened last yr.. however, we were stil forcing our relationship to go on due to the promises, commitment and expectation everyone close have on us.. to me, i have told u many times.. u r stil hangin on to this relationship becoz u r too used to havin me by ur side.. i just feel i m a piece of drifting wood that u r holding on to for fear that u will drown..

sorry to say tis.. but i have to let go coz i m afraid of drowning too.. out in the surface, i may seem strong.. but deep down, i arent at all.. nobody knows bout tis.. i arent as dependant as how i look.. i need someone to take care of me and not the other way round.. i m just tired.. sick n tired of everything.. both of us dont have alot of 4yrs to waste.. thus, its time to move on..

now u r tellin mi i deserve someone better and have already have that someone beside me now.. but, its not the truth.. i m afraid.. i m exhaused.. just having the thought of being in a relationship again just put me off.. not to mention starting all over again..

all i wan to say now is, thanks for everythin in this 4+ yrs.. both of us got to move on.. unless the day comes when both of us meet the expectation of each other, there wont b any hope ro continue tis relationship..

5:45 PM