today morning, when i was in the bathroom, bb's mummy suddenly ask mi a question.. she asked..
BB mum: judy ar.. how long u working in tis com ar?
Mi: 5 mths le ba..
BB mum: so fast ar?
Mi: ya lo.. time pass so fast..
BB mum: gd lo..
Mi: but ok nia.. hope can endure la.. kind of troubled..
BB mum: y? how come?
Mi: nothin much la.. juz tinking nia..

seriously, i m tinking of changing job AGAIN.. seems like i have done so many different types of job already.. from waitress to factory to sales assistant to admin to waitress to data entry and lastly to sales coordinator.. haiz.. kind of job hop ard too often til i also sian.. omg!!

working here is ok la.. at least i have a salesman who is sweet ( TWL ).. though he give empty promise at times, but at least its stil sweet la.. he wont overload mi with lotsa things!! as for adrian, he is ok too.. except that at times he is naggy n he does forget his things.. lol.. but he is a generous chap la.. and he is my smoking kaki cum listening ear la.. at times when i feel stress out and he is in office, he nvr fail to acc mi smoke and listen to my woes!! lol.. as for my 3rd salesman, leonard, i tink almost all ppl who is in frequent contact with mi will noe.. though i dun reali like the way do his things and the way he talk, but deep down i noe he is a nice chap.. lol.. cannot work with him de lo.. if work with him, den all gd things bout him wil b covered by his flaws.. as for my hand in hand, Jac, she is ok la.. a nice gossipping kaki.. and also.. her kid is super cute!! lol.. though she is way too sensitive.. but i guess everyone is different in all aspect la.. as for shirley, i tink she is mre to "irene de pattern".. abit bimbo.. but she arent the kind that wil plot and harm ppl la.. lol.. my smoking kaki too~ lol..

at times, reali feel so pissed that i reali wanna tender.. edited my RL for 3 times already.. having the temptation to tender.. sometimes due to the work strain, some times due to the above mentioned and sometimes due to mi feeling emo myself.. hmmm.. didnt noe what to do.. tis is the 1st time i m in a company and yet when tinking of tendering, i didnt tender straight.. :(

i m stil tinking.. reali.. what shd i do now.. i tink my brain arent functioning well................. i m struggling!!

11:25 AM

10:00 AM

6:26 PM

To: Whom it may concern!!

freaking sick now!! juz feeling pissed with my own life and happenings.. feeling damn emo now!!

life dun seem to b right for mi from start til now.. past memories keep on coming back like an old movie.. ma chiam like nicholas's song.. 旧伤口，一直缠着我， 一直不让我走， 像多年的朋友！！

i m feeling tired.. reali v tired.. i noe i take things too hard.. i noe i m v 钻牛角尖~ but i juz couldnt help it but tink alot.. there r lotsa things for mi to tink n do everyday.. i m juz freaking tired of moving on.. can time stop for mi? i noe it cant!!

e older i grow, i feel that there r lesser n lesser frenz ard mi.. so less that at times, i wil feel afraid of it.. YES!! i m afraid of loneliness... i m afraid of darkness and i m afraid of those things that may seem minor n small to all others.. yes.. call mi lousy or hypocrite for all u ppl wan.. i may seem strong outside.. but that arent myself..

i have changed.. yes!! i have!! 4 yrs back, u wil stil c a strong mi.. but how bout 4 yrs later, which is now? you wont b able to c mi shed a tear in front of anyone last time.. but now, whenever i wanna breakdown, it seems like ppl dont expect mi to do this.. i noe 眼泪对很多人来说是一种负担！i wont wan to c my frenz cry.. but when they wanna vent all out, where can they go? they would come to mi.. but when i need ppl ard, i can hardly find ppl ard.. or whoever i feel comfortable with to share all things.. its kind of heart-wrenching!! as none of ur "frenz" are ard.. at times, i do question myself.. is it dat i not dat gd enuff to b their fren or wat.. everythin seem so bleak! i tried my best already.. i noe i m demanding.. i have high expectation in my frenz.. YES.. but, its for everyone's gd..it is not e first day i got stab by frenz i trust.. its not e first time i got so freaking disappointed with ppl ard mi.. TIS IS NOT THE BLOODY FIRST TIME ALREADY!! no matter how strong i m, i wont b able to take it.. i do not have a heart full of metal which doesnt hurt.. i did even change my mobile and let no one able to find mi except my family!! but does it help? i doesnt help at all.. as u ppl c mi outside, u wil make it sound as though i owe u millions thus change no dun let u ppl noe.. but to mi, y shd i even let u noe my no when i dont tink u r treating mi as ur fren? y shd i help u ppl no matter how u treat mi? y shd i even care bout how miserable u ppl are when no one did so to mi?

y shd i always b the one losing out? i dont expect u to treat mi e same as how i treat u.. but at least, i didnt treat u shabbily.. y shd i receive such treatments frm u ppl? it has always been my motto and principle that i treat ppl better than i treat myself.. i ALWAYS make it a point!! but slowly, i realise ppl ard are taking it for granted.. i feel that i m always the one giving.. it makes no point.. always giving n giving.. i arent santa claus.. i do feel the strain of givin n i dun mind bcoz u ppl r my FRENZ.. but wat do i get returned? i get SHIT.. like i always say, whatever i do i dun owe ppl any explaination as i 对得起自己的良心!! dont u ppl understand tis sentence? since when did i ever disappoint u ppl?

from primary school to sec n till now, how many setbacks must i cross? how many things do i have to keep to myself n say nothin to u ppl? i nvr say doesnt mean i duno.. i nvr say doesnt mean that i wil let it go.. it stays firm n strong in my mind and couldnt let go of it due to the hurt caused! have u ever put urself in my shoe n tink? i dun tink u ppl ever did it.. since u ppl didnt even have the courtesy to do that when i dun tink that i wil b able to do all those to u ppl any mre.. pls dun come chasing after mi when u need ppl to acc.. and pls dun ever bug mi anymre with ur nonsense.. i wont entertain any of them.. not even a single bit of it!! tis time round, i m not goin to even budge at all... tis is the max!! i already hit my max and i couldnt take it anymre.. i arent miss " know-all".. i arent miss " generous" and i arent miss " stupid".. dont u ppl understand? i have my own problems too.. and sorry to inform u that u ppl have already max out the "credit limit" i have for u ppl.. anythin. pls settle for u.. i wont wan to b label miss"trouble" or miss " act as though she noe all" anymre..

there are stil lots.. i juz cant b bothered to say everythin out.. but one thing for sure.. one day, if i bloody wanna 撕破脸, i make sure u ppl regret whatever u do!!

Signing off,
MS "TROUBLED" aka MS "VICIOUS"

2:43 PM

went dbl o last fri.. yvonne's bdae!! shd b fun la.. coz brought along leonard and shirley.. lol.. but in e end got myself wasted!! ma de.. its onli 4 pops and 6 shots!! guess i have become a lousy drinker le la!! lol..

at first, shirley say she couldnt leave her house early as her son not aslp yet.. thus, i called and msged leonard.. but seem like he wanted to wait for her den come meet mi.. so let it b.. anyway, shirley called and say she is out of the hse den i already on cab le.. so i reached MS first la.. waited for them like 30 mins b4 they reach!!

after we go in. i drank 3 shots la.. den saw yvonne.. has been age since i last saw her.. she changed quite alot la.. but ok la.. stil dat siao siao de ger i noe her 3 plus yrs ago! den proceed to the dance floor.. shirley seems quite happy to b able to go out la.. lol.. mi too.. after all, has been age since i last went dbl o!!

things start to go out of control den.. lol.. shirley was dancing with leonard.. and one siao kia attempt to dance with mi.. lol.. shirley and leonard jitao laugh and dance themselves without rescuing mi!! ma de!! jitao pissed!! nvr once i go club with ppl den other guys come dance dne my fren stand there n laugh!! i signal to them already ok.. den they juz laugh there n continue dancing like i not there like dat.. ma de!!

den the whole night seem so sian le.. lol.. they r like enjoyin themselves.. lol.. den i go drink myself lo.. didnt expect dat night standard so low la!! ma de!! down 3 mre shots n 4 pops straight den i jitao lost!! sian.. den the night ended with mi drunk n the 2 sending mi home lo.. somemre vomit inside leoanrd's car.. lol.. i guess this e first time i vomited in someone car la.. lol.. his car shd feel honoured!! lol.. anyway, i guess tis is the onli way i can console myself for getting wasted la..lol.

bb was fucking mad with mi and he didnt wan to talk to mi on sat!! lol.. he juz totally ignore mi til his mama comes home.. lol.. anyway, wil b back to blog with the pics that night after i QC the pics.. lol~ ciaos!

11:11 AM

** duno real cam shy or faking it!! **

** super "budget" = go johor to pa you!! **

then mi n jac didnt have much to do in the car while waiting for him to finish his business!! lol.. cam whoring time!!!

** mi !! **

** jac n mi!! **

there are actually lotsa pic!! but due to the lousy photographer, which is mi, the pics cant b presented here.. lol.. though all these pics also cant make it la.. anyway, after pa youing, we went for dinner.. LEONARD'S FOOTING THE BILL!!!!

here r the pics of the fishball noodle that we ate.. jac say its nice la.. lol~

** my noodles **

** my noodle ( take 2 )

** the whole set !! **

* fish cake!*

* nice de fishcake !! *

** i duno wats this call.. but its nice too!! **

** the whole table.. look who is getting impatient due to waiting! wink at leonard~ **

after eating, we actually wanted to go eat lok lok.. but its not open yet!! lol.. anyway, i told leonard i wan to buy chewing gum.. then took money from him.. lol.. he gave mi 29 bucks.. but i say not enuff.. scare him to death! lol.. in the end, he gave mi 50 bucks n expect mi to give him back the 29.. lol.. i told him i tink not enuff.. lol.. i tink his face turn white lo.. lol!! anyway, tis e end of the JB trip la..

OUTING WITH JAC N SON!!

went for dinner with jac.. she brought her son ( jay chou no 2 ) along.. lol.. actually i also duno y call him jay chou la.. since she call her dat, i call him that too.. her son was super funny!!! we went eating.. her son sitting bside mi.. at first, he start to touch my arm.. then slowly proceed to hit mi.. then when jac scold him, he act "sai nai" n lean his head against my arm.. so cute de lo.. lol.. den out of sudden, he use his head and bang my arm.. lol.. some pics of his son below!!

** inside sakae **

** jabez whining to get out of pram!! **

** after he failed, he started to cry loudly!! **

** the innocent looking jabez when jac carry him.. **

after dinner, we went to chat awhile.. then we went home.. his son is super cute!! i wanna go out with him again!! lol~

5:14 PM

11:22 AM

so i cabbed down to SIR building as i was having a super jialat headach la~but when i c the queue, i almost fainted ok? it is super long.. till the extend that the queue went all the way to the exit staircase n went like 2 floor down ok?? so i left my sis there queuing and went to queue for replacing an IC!! YES!! finally ok? i finally parted with 300 bucks coz i wannna go on a holiday end of year and to collect my passport, when i renew in March, the person told mi i got to have my IC to collect it.. isnt it shit? anyway, after paying that 300 bucks, i got the receipt, and went for another queue to collect my passport!! finally got it.. ** wink at irene~ **

the whole thing took 1 hr ok? it is juz terrible to queue juz to get the num chit and waiting for my num to b called!! it is juz plainly irritating.. cant they b mre efficent and let ppl queue at one place to get all their things done? lol.. i noe its impossible la.. juz nagging n complaining nia.. anyway, my new IC will only b ready in Dec!! 3 mths wait!!

the queue my sis was queuing is fast!! juz take num n can go home.. juz go back and collect 2 weeks later can liao!! lol~ then we cabbed home as fri she gto her report book~ results arent gd.. daddy called n asked mi "now wat!! " lol~

12:52 PM